What’s Wrong With Women? Mailbag Vol. 1

Welcome to this week’s Mailbag! One reader wants to know, Whats wrong with women today? Lots of times, people don’t feel comfortable posing questions publicly, neither in the blog comments nor on Facebook. They will however hit me in the inbox from time to time.

The Problem With Women and the Point of Getting Married

Women and marriage

The following question was a loaded one, so this time, I’m going to limit the mailbag to just one.

From Nightmares After Divorce:

P. G. from Gainesville Florida writes,

From a single man’s perspective I too had the same dreams. Although I would ease my mind; keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t have to think about it, I would still have dreams in which I would wake up in cold sweats wondering what is going on. In my opinion, I feel as though I really can’t trust women like I used to.

To me, it’s like women want the finer things in life, they want to be nurtured, cared for, loved, etc. but don’t know how to work towards getting it or just expect it to happen because they are the female. It causes a lot of disconnect. Joan, I want to get married one day. I do! But, if you can answer this… How can one get married to someone if the woman doesn’t have the mindset of a woman? In this generation, every female wants to have a mindset of a male, but they aren’t us. If GAMES are going to be played, why not just stay single?

P (May I call you P?), I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It truly is amazing how the subconscious mind keeps thinking, long after we think we’ve turned it off.
First let me say, I’m that female you’re talking about. I don’t set out to be this way for a specific purpose. I just AM. Now, women like me don’t necessarily have the mindset of males; it’s a mindset of survival that mirrors that of the traditional male. Two generations ago, men were the bread winners. Thus, they were almost solely accountable for the financial stability of the family.

There’s Truth in Numbers

My personal opinion is just like everyone else’s anal orifice. However, in order to give you a fact-based answer, I pulled some data for you from the Population Reference Bureau. Lets compare the number of family households in 1940 with the numbers today.

Percent Distribution of U.S. Households by Type, 1940-2010

Household Type 1940 1960 1980 2000 2010
Family Households 90.0 85.1 73.7 68.1 66.4
   Married couples with children 42.9 44.3 30.7 23.5 20.2
   Married couples without children 33.4 30.5 30.2 28.1 28.2
   Single parents with children 4.3 4.1 7.2 9.2 9.6
   Other family 9.4 6.2 5.6 7.1 8.5
Nonfamily Households 10.0 15.1 26.4 31.9 33.6
   One person 7.8 13.4 22.6 25.8 26.7
   Other nonfamily 2.2 1.7 3.8 6.1 6.8
In 1940, there were 132,200 people in the US. That number has nearly tripled since! In 2010, the US Census reported that there were 308,700 million Americans. However, if you refer to the chart, although the numbers have multiplied EXPONENTIALLY, the percentages of family households have plummeted from 90% to a paltry 66.4%. Conversely, the number of nonfamily households has also tripled from 10% to 33.6%.

Women Have Changed

It seems that the days of growing up, getting married, buying a house, birthing two kids and a dog are phasing out. More and more, it’s becoming this: get your education, find a good career, buy a house, and THEN think about getting married. Sad, but true.
Therefore, (post women’s liberation) competition in school, competition in the workplace, and competition for socioeconomic status have all but forced us to compete amongst men, amongst society, and mostly, amongst ourselves.
Additionally, the inability to allow men to lead us may also come from factors such as:
  • trauma and painful experiences in our lives
  • absent fathers
  • growing up watching our parents totally misrepresent what good relationships look like
  • not knowing how to love ourselves
So we still very much long for love, nurturing and protection! P.G., we don’t mean any harm, but unfortunately…
That’s the Way of the World…
 Best of luck, P. G.!
If you’d like to be featured in the Mailbag, maybe your comment or question will be among the chosen ones in the feature.

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